Signs of life

• At a Maternity Clothes Shop: "We are open on labor day"

• Non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action"

• On Maternity Room Door: "Push,Push,Push"

• On a Front Door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog"

• At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place"

• On a Scientist's Door: "Gone Fission"

• On a Taxidermist Window: "We really know our stuff"

• On a Podiatrist's Window: "Time wounds all heels"

• On a Butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs"

• At a Used Car Lot: "Second-hand cars in first crash condition"

• Sign on Fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive"

• At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment"

• In a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming"

• At a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people"

• On a Butcher's Window: "Pleased to meat you"

• At an Auto Body Shop: "May we have the next dents?"

• Sign in an office: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left"

• In a Veterinarians Waiting Room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

• On a Music Teacher's Door: "Out Chopin"

• At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be"

• At a Beauty Shop: "Dye now!"

• On a Garbage Truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got"

• At a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte"

• On a Restaurant Window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up"

• At a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop"

• In a Cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want"

• At a Music Library: "Bach in a minuet"

• At a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait"

• At General Conference: "Welcome! We're generally in conference"