My Shame (2)

Anyway..(first of all I have no idea why I had to write this on two pages) I made kind of a big deal about my poor sister who really couldn't afford to send me anything and how badly I felt about it..and handed the card over to the cashier..when she put her hand out and said this is not enough I thought...how much can you put on a gift card? Anyway the amount on the card was $2.64...I was shocked...and so embarrassed...I had made such a big deal about my poor sister thinking of me anyway...well I paid in cash and took back the card...at first I was going to re-gift it and send it to her for her birthday...but I could never do that, but neither will I send her a ticket to come down here...I'm really hurt..especially since I was with other people and they got the full impact of how much my sister really thinks of me...even if she took me aside and said..I just gave you this for show..don't try to use it...I have always been extreamly generous with her and her children..I must say this was a shocker...I won't tell my family about this..just you my dear friends who feel closer then family...Am I wrong to be so hurt?

maunie

My Shame (1)

My only sister and I never had a lot in common..she was the princess and I was the scullery maid..never was she asked to pick a dish off the table or cook a meal but that was just how it was...I thought we had gotten past a lot of that, but apparently not...she belongs to my book club and my birthday fell on the day before we were supposed to meet for our Christmas party.

She brought a birthday card with her to the party and imagine my surprise when a gift card fell out...I said she really shouldn't have but she said,"of course I did"..

My sister is having some bad luck right now...she is trying to sell her condo..and the market is bad...well anyway...I was pleased to get just a card and expected nothing else and being me forgot all about the gift card until the other day...

A few friends were going to the mall and I really didn't need anything but went along for the ride (shopping is not about need..it's about SALES)..I did forget to bring down enough bra's and when I saw my brand and size at such a reduced price..I thought..Oh yeah...I have that gift card..

My Old Packard Bell

"Let the light from your soul shine as a beacon of warmth, and positive reactions will follow..."

This is an example of thoughts that guide my life. I am what you would call a changed person, by that meaning I have stumbled my way through a majority of my time here on Earth. How did I arrive here, invited to participate on this page? I see many names I know listed as contributors here on the Blue Ribbon Blog, and they are all well respected favorites of mine. Also - some that I am unfamiliar with. In the following weeks I plan to visit each and every blog found on the sidebar.

This is the short version of my life. My name is Eric ... better known as "Speedcat Hollydale"

This is a picture from my childhood. I grew up in a classic middle American family with strong family values. I really do not have many sad memories from youth, and am grateful and blessed with a past of hugs, love, and guidance. I never realized just how lucky that is until later in life. From my eyes, the world was a perfect place.

Of course the world is not really perfect, far from it really. I am not perfect either. I have made many mistakes, hurt people, let people down, and ultimately let myself down.

I have a history of alcoholism in my family, not my immediate family, but it's there. I am one of it's victims. By saying this, I still take all responsibility for all that has transpired in my past, just that I believe some are more prone than others to be inflicted with the crushing consequences of drinking. I nearly destroyed everything I had ... my health, my relationships, my job, and mostly my pride and self worth. These horrible things ended over 5 years ago.

I did not change my life, nor did a group like AA. The good Lord did. I realized my powerless condition and asked to be saved. That day will forever be my greatest day! Imagine, just one simple thing, changed everything.

I have brand new eyes. Eyes that see possibility, hope, and a future that can be as great as the effort you impart. I have also realized that what really counts in life are the impacts that you have on others. You can never share or care too much. Connections of love are those that bind us, and create a real happiness, not a short lived feeling or emotion. I had no idea that when I started blogging one day on an old Packard Bell computer that these very things could happen across an Internet connection. That's the key word - "connection". I have witnessed and read so many stories from bloggers that open their hearts and share the stories and thoughts from past and present. It seems like the warmest and most caring people are attracted to blogging. Have you ever noticed that?

Back to the people involved with this page. I am honored to be invited to this group. How this came to be, I'm not quite sure, but I must tell you that it is a nice feeling. This is one day, and one post, that will always be special to me.

This picture was made by Ann from "A Nice Place in the Sun". I think it looks like the new me. "Hello everyone!!!"

Speedcat Hollydale: still working from an old Packard Bell

2008 Trek Across Maine

I recently received this notification from my son-in-law David concerning this fund raising effort supported by Alame. My son-in-law is a great athlete, teacher, and is also currently attending classes to further his education even more. David is always the first one to join in and contribute in anyway possible to worthy causes.

The American Lung Association is working to save lives through community asthma education, lung research, and smoking prevention and cessation programs. On June 13-15, 2008, the American Lung Association of Maine will conduct the Trek Across Maine, a 180-mile, We start at the mountains of Sunday River Ski Resort in Bethel and finish at the Owls Head Transportation Museum in Owls Head, Maine.

This is a fundraising event to raise funds to help in the fight against lung diseases such as asthma, lung cancer, emphysema, chronic bronchitis, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Please join me in supporting this important work by making a tax deductible contribution to this event. Your contribution will help me to reach my fundraising goal of $750. Any amount you choose to donate will be much appreciated. Just think if only seventy people donate ten dollars each he will have almost reached the goal set for the runners this year.

Please won't you click on the logo on the top of this page or please just click HERE and help David reach his goal. Even if it's just a dollar it will be a dollar spent that will go to aid in saving thousands of lives.

I know many of you have already seen this posted on my blog. However, it truly is such a great cause I wanted to share it here with all of you also.

Here is a picture of David my son-in-law with my youngest grandson.

"Please won't you help us help others by clicking on my daddy's picture?"

~From our family to yours~

J-Man Has A Girlfriend

Intelligence reports started coming in on Tuesday. J-Man, it was reported, had officially declared he had his first girlfriend. I could feel the gray hairs meeting on the top of my head, reminding each other that they’d be having new neighbors really soon.

Now, I would have loved to talk to him about it, but I wanted him to tell me first. And, I didn’t want to be too snoopy, at least not this soon.

This morning, we are driving to school and he says, “I know you know.”

We went round and round about what I knew and when I knew it for a while. Then, I unloaded his bike from the back of the car. I said, “I was waiting for you to tell me.” He said, “You didn’t ask.” I forgot about the requisite parental privacy invasion clause in my contract.

After many half-ass attempts to talk to these kids over the years, I’ve hit upon a couple of sure-fire methods. With the boys it’s go for a ride in the car. They don’t have to look at you, but are in proximity, so they got the “Mom loves you vibe.”

With Em, the best method is to sit right across from each other, maybe even holding hands—or touching in some way, like having my arms draped over her with foreheads touching.

I sensed he wanted to talk about it, but didn’t see that we’d be alone in the car anytime soon, so I did a J-Man. He likes to talk by e-mailing me from six feet above me in the loft. So, what did I do? I called him on the phone. He called me doing so, “random.” I had all kinds of things running through my head.

HAH: So, do you want to tell me about this girlfriend? [Please, don’t let her be 35 and one of your teachers]

J-Man: Her name is *Suzy* [Ah, a name I recognize—one of his GATE friends]

HAH: She was at the basketball game Saturday?

J-Man: Yup. [You seemed a little eager to spend an entire afternoon with just sweaty teenage boys]

HAH: So, what does it mean to be a boyfriend? [Don’t you dare say you hope to get your own stable going to make a little spending money.]

J-Man: What do you mean? It means what you think it means. [Son, you don’t know what I think it could mean]

HAH: It means all kinds of things to different people, how does it look to you?

J-Man: I dunno. [Long, close, slow dances and liplocks have no place in there, right?]

HAH: Will you be going out on dates, just the two of you?

J-Man: No, her parents are strict; I don’t think they’ll let her. [Thank you parents of *Suzy*]

HAH: So, you’ll be doing the group get-together thing? [Damn right!]

J-Man: Yes.

HAH: I think we’ll be revisiting the safe sex talk though, okay?

J-Man: Yes. [At least he didn’t say, “too late.”]

We talk about sex frequently – the physiological mechanics, the emotional consequences, and the way to behave and treat your partner if you do decide you’re going to have sex. I don’t condone having sex young. I’d like them to wait. They know that too. If you ask any of them when they are allowed to get married or make me a grandma, they’ll, by rote, say, “I’ll be at least 25 years old and have an education and a j-o-b.” Kind of a family joke, but the idea behind it is sincerely and deeply meant. I want them to get a start in life and not be tied down by the aftermath of having sex early or starting a family or being forced to make a choice about abortion or adoption. There are more condoms laying around all over this house than in some 3^rd world nations.

But, I also know that ultimately, it won’t be my choice – and I won’t know when it happens. My parents didn’t. I’m pretty sure it will shock me too. I want them to be armed with as much information as they can load into their brain despite that it retracts in proportion with the growing strength of their hormones and urge to procreate.

I know, I’m making some leaps from first group-date girlfriend to me getting an appliquéd sweatshirt from Wal-Mart with “World’s Best Grandma,” but jeez. How did we get here so fast?

© Lori Hahn, 2008

Stress Stinks

Talk about a stinking bad day; cow patties plunged down into the deep fiery depths below, can only begin to describe such wretchedness. Yesterday I arrived at work to see Security Guards surrounding someone who is stretched out on the cold ground of the parking lot. Nearing the scene I hear a familiar voice, as suddenly my throat drops to the pit of my stomach. The Person on the ground is my Friend who tells me in her usual joking voice, well I’ve done it again. The first thoughts that flew out as words in my mouth were, you went and had another heart attack? Fortunately not! Apparently she had tripped and fell. The darken early icy morning showed a thin blanket flapping in the wind while trying to keep her covered. She refused an ambulance saying she couldn’t afford the expense and insisted she was ok. Unable to ease her mind of the cost and possible need to at least have an ambulance medic check her injuries; I asked if she could be taken inside away from the cold, however; a Guard stated they couldn’t let her move yet. It must have been 20 minutes or longer of my Friend persisting she was ok before anyone could then help her enter the building under the agreement that her Daughter would come and take her home or to a Doctor if needed. Once inside, she was then given a cold ice pack to put on her injured knee. Talk about a cold way to handle matters, dang! My Friend was back to work today, still having refused to go see a Doctor – insisting she is ok except for hobbling around on an extremely bruised knee.

Yesterday continued with the new pressure in our Department of an increase from 700 to 900 per Person, production daily. I was down to the last hour and merely 30 more to go when anything that could go wrong went wrong. Paper ran out and had to be changed twice. Then on the final minutes, I was short exactly one and had to go plunder quickly for a remedy. All in all, I managed to achieve the newly set goal. Yet learned, never ask if things could get much worse:

After work, I walked out to my car to find a puddle of liquid green death yet to intoxicate the surrounding bare leaf trees. First the cold murdered my snail Sleuth, then the cold tried to freeze my Friend, now perhaps karmatically the cold was trying to bust my engine block. Knowing the temperatures were to drop even lower that night, I slowly drove to my mechanic. Couldn’t be as simple as a thermostat, or upper or lower radiator hose; no – it had to be the worse case scenario, my water pump was gone. The only warning, the wee hours of morning before - my low coolant light came on. So I pulled over to the nearest well lit area without any water near by, forethought: I opted to pour straight antifreeze into the reservoir for fear of opening a hot radiator cap. Afterthought: maybe that wasn’t such a bright idea, perhaps the undiluted solution acted as acid on the water pump or seal.

Well, back to my not so cowriffic yesterday: a Friend and I decided to hang out at a restaurant where I could unwind from such a stressful day, while my car was being repaired. Only we couldn’t even begin to enjoy our drinks for the pollution of two Waitresses perfumes going down our throats! Look, clean air is an essential for me - I have to be able to breath while smoking because I have asthma/bronchitis. So we left that restaurant and went to another place.

All in all, my car was able to be fixed that night, my Friend is ok, and production is but a number. Still, what a day of cow patties plunged down into the deep fiery depths below! What a stinkin’ crappy day, ug!

Technorati Tags Binding Ink, stress

Is it just me?

Is it just me, or are most of the funny people in the world gay? I mean no disrespect, but most of the people I consider amazingly funny are gay. Look at Ellen, or Rosie, and Paula Poundstone.

I don't know if she's actually gay, but she doesn't date men. Maybe she's into farm animals. I don't know. But the fact is, it must be a horrible struggle trying to live in a straight world when you're not. I wouldn't know myself. I am boringly straight, but it would seem to me using jokes works well when you have something different about you.

I lived behind humor because of my life at home. Like so many others, I was not the favored child so I made light of it and thus used humor. Not to the extent of most of you who shall not be named. I am reading and trying to learn from you, but that's not to say you have to be gay to be funny. Have I dug the hole for myself deep enough yet? All I wanted to say to all of you is good going. Whew!