Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Thinking out loud

My friend and I went to clean out her Mothers apartment after her Mom died of cancer.
The big things were to be picked up and distributed..it was just papers etc. we were to go through...I was amazed to find notebooks and journals filled with hate and petty nonesence..
My friend glanced at a couple and was shaken so I took it upon myself to throw them all in a bag and destroyed them...I know I didn't have the right..but I did it anyway.
She and her husband visited us in Florida for a few days and she mentioned she wished she had kept the papers so she could get more insight into what her Mom was feeling in those last days..
did she forget how hateful they were? I just mumbled something about our not thinking clearly that day and said I was sorry if I overstepped my bounds...she answered they weren't that bad? Were they?
What would make someone do such a thing and with deliberate malice try to hurt their family? How hateful must you be? How unhappy with your life?
I know the first thing I did when I got home was destroy anything I had written about my family..even though nothing even remotely mean spirited was said...it was a good lesson for me. What do you think? Did I overstep my bounds...Should I have just backed off and left them for my friend and her brother to sort out?


ndpthepoetress Jean Michelle Culp said...

Anytime a non-family member is involved, one will always be over stepping the boundaries. Perhaps it is easier for your Friend to blame you for having the courage to throw them away than it is for her to accept what was written on those papers. Right or wrong, perhaps best she remember her Mom from her heart and not some possibly private words that were written in the heat of the moments.

As for how some Family member or even some People can be so mean, hateful, and hurtful – everyone deals differently with life, pain, problems, etc. Some react out of anger, hurt, etc. – that is their way. I once was in a pharmaceutical line with an elderly lady in a wheel chair with an oxygen tank attached to it. She was upset her medicine wasn’t ready yet and as she waited for her medicine she started saying nasty things to everyone inline. My turn to approach the counter and hear her was coming soon. So I thought, perhaps if I say ‘God Loves You’, she couldn’t say anything mean. I was wrong, she snapped, “Yea God Loves me but He hates you”. Though what she said was awful, I still laugh about such to this day. Cause Maunie some People are just like that no matter what and she is a great reminder of that unfortunate fact.

mauniejames3 said...

Yes, I think your right and I do feel better about over stepping...
I'm sure my friend only half remembers what was written and even though she blames me...I feel I saved her unnecessary grief...
I just loved your story about the mean and nasty women in line..sometimes we have to realize no matter what...some people are just horrible...thanks so much for your insight..

Ellen said...

Hi Maunie,

I agree with Jeane Michelle, that really is a tough situation.

I don't think you should be looking back though.. You did what felt right at that very moment, and there really is no better guidance than that feeling. You most definitely saved her and her brother a lot of grief, so I really think what you did was a loving and wonderful thing!!

As for the mother in question, my heart aches for her to die with such hateful feelings in her heart. That isn't something I'd wish for anyone..
I do not think (or hope..) that something is written with the deliberate intention to hurt anyone. Journals are written to pour out your heart, not with the intention to be read by anyone else.

surjit singh said...

Thanks Jos, for your mail. My blog is:
Thanks again for your good wishes and support.

Jos said...

Hi Surjit,
I have sent you a blogger/blogspot invitation, with which you can sign in to this BRB blog as a co-author. Hope this works...
I have also added your name and link to the list of Original Blue Ribbon Bloggers.
with kindest regards,